http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8493 Radiant WebTools The problem with a sex addiction is the secrets. The whole thing is kept as a lie, a disquise, its hidden away so that now one else will know. Once it is found out, addicts will do anything to protect themselves. Defensive reactions, excuses, and of course--more lies to try to cover it up. It is the lies that hurt those they love. Most addicts are not thinking about what it would do to their wife/partner should their little secret be found out. Addicts do not think about the consiquences. Too often I see addicts facing incredible losses, and they are desperate to save them. Well, now is the time to act--before your secret is found out! Save yourself all the devastation that I see in my office every single day. If your secret has been found out, it is not too late! You may be able to save your marriage by admitting you need help, and taking action. Trust can be restored (in time) with honesty and action. Do not wait until it is too late. The problem with a sex addiction is the secrets. The whole thing is kept as a lie, a disquise, its hidden away so that now one else will know. Once it is found out, addicts will do anything to protect themselves. Defensive reactions, excuses, and of course--more lies to try to cover it up. It is the lies that hurt those they love. Most addicts are not thinking about what it would do to their wife/partner should their little secret be found out. Addicts do not think about the consiquences. Too often I see addicts facing incredible losses, and they are desperate to save them. Well, now is the time to act--before your secret is found out! Save yourself all the devastation that I see in my office every single day. If your secret has been found out, it is not too late! You may be able to save your marriage by admitting you need help, and taking action. Trust can be restored (in time) with honesty and action. Do not wait until it is too late. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8493&comments=37072 37072 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 23:35:00 +0000 Douglas Weiss uses a concept called 'Sex Glue' to describe the addictive nature of sexual activity. Over time, sexual addicts may find it difficult to become aroused by their wife, and this is because the addict has trained their brain to associate pleasure with other activities/stimulus to which they orgasm. The orgasm experience is the glue. What you view during an orgasm becomes the desired stimulus. For many sexual addicts, this stimulus is pornography, which most will masturbate to. Because a sexual addict has glued themself to pornography (or other sexual experiences), typical sexual experience within your marriage bores in comparison. Many sexual addicts will often resort to fantasy while having sex with their spouse as a way of obtaining other stimulus in order to achieve orgasm. So, they have not orgasmed to their spouse, but to they pleasure of their fantasy. Typically, the spouse is not unaware of this 'detached sexual experience', which can build resentment, rejection, depression, etc. If this describes you, you are in need of some help to break this cycle. If you are trying to understand why your spouse seems disinterested in sexual relations, or will only have sex in the dark, or with their eyes closed, they do not need a reprimand. It is more important to have an honest discussion about what you are sensing, and that you think something might be wrong. If you need help, please call or email via the contact page. Douglas Weiss uses a concept called 'Sex Glue' to describe the addictive nature of sexual activity. Over time, sexual addicts may find it difficult to become aroused by their wife, and this is because the addict has trained their brain to associate pleasure with other activities/stimulus to which they orgasm. The orgasm experience is the glue. What you view during an orgasm becomes the desired stimulus. For many sexual addicts, this stimulus is pornography, which most will masturbate to. Because a sexual addict has glued themself to pornography (or other sexual experiences), typical sexual experience within your marriage bores in comparison. Many sexual addicts will often resort to fantasy while having sex with their spouse as a way of obtaining other stimulus in order to achieve orgasm. So, they have not orgasmed to their spouse, but to they pleasure of their fantasy. Typically, the spouse is not unaware of this 'detached sexual experience', which can build resentment, rejection, depression, etc. If this describes you, you are in need of some help to break this cycle. If you are trying to understand why your spouse seems disinterested in sexual relations, or will only have sex in the dark, or with their eyes closed, they do not need a reprimand. It is more important to have an honest discussion about what you are sensing, and that you think something might be wrong. If you need help, please call or email via the contact page. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8493&comments=32922 32922 Sun, 25 Mar 2012 15:13:00 +0000 If you are reading this blog, the answer may be yes, because something in you has you looking for answers for how to stop. Sexual addictions are known to be harder to stop than addictions to smoking, or even drugs and alcohol. It is often an addiction of secrets. It is not obvious to others that the problem exists. Many come to counselling because someone has found out about your secret, and it has created a relational problem. However, you do not need to wait until this happens. You know about your little secret, and by coming to counselling it can be let out within the context of confidentiality. You will not find judgement sitting across from you when you seek help. You will discover that I understand your situation, and am ready to offer you a strategy for success, and the hope you need to believe you can recover from this. So many are relieved to finally being able to share this secret, and to get on the road of recovery. If you are reading this blog, the answer may be yes, because something in you has you looking for answers for how to stop. Sexual addictions are known to be harder to stop than addictions to smoking, or even drugs and alcohol. It is often an addiction of secrets. It is not obvious to others that the problem exists. Many come to counselling because someone has found out about your secret, and it has created a relational problem. However, you do not need to wait until this happens. You know about your little secret, and by coming to counselling it can be let out within the context of confidentiality. You will not find judgement sitting across from you when you seek help. You will discover that I understand your situation, and am ready to offer you a strategy for success, and the hope you need to believe you can recover from this. So many are relieved to finally being able to share this secret, and to get on the road of recovery. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8493&comments=32668 32668 Fri, 16 Mar 2012 13:02:00 +0000 I feel for you--if that is you reading this blog. You have likely just been hurt by discovering the reality of these behaviours coming from the one you love. You may have just been blamed for it, accused of not providing enough sexually. How can you help when you are hurt in these ways? It is a fine line between addiction and responsibility. The addiction has created a pull towards sexual behaviours that the addict struggles to control. Taking responsibility requires the addict to admit they cannot always be in control of themselves. This is one of the most difficult, but necessary steps towards recovery. If this is you, please urge your spouse to get help. Step beyond the hurt to help them realize you support them, if they are willing to get help. Healing to the hurts will come, but only after this first step of responsibility is taken. I feel for you--if that is you reading this blog. You have likely just been hurt by discovering the reality of these behaviours coming from the one you love. You may have just been blamed for it, accused of not providing enough sexually. How can you help when you are hurt in these ways? It is a fine line between addiction and responsibility. The addiction has created a pull towards sexual behaviours that the addict struggles to control. Taking responsibility requires the addict to admit they cannot always be in control of themselves. This is one of the most difficult, but necessary steps towards recovery. If this is you, please urge your spouse to get help. Step beyond the hurt to help them realize you support them, if they are willing to get help. Healing to the hurts will come, but only after this first step of responsibility is taken. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8493&comments=32665 32665 Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:16:00 +0000