http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8494 Radiant WebTools In so many couples that I work with, trust always emerges. How can you trust someone, if you are fighting, disrespecting each other, being critical, or causing emotional or physical harm? When trust is breached, there will not be love, honesty, transparency, closeness, tenderness, etc. The passion in the relationship will be gone, and many couples wonder if it is even possible to recover.It is possible! BUT a lot of changes are going to be needed. While you are in your situation, you may not be able to actually see what your partner needs. Counselling can help you see the underlying needs that are being neglected everyday, and this is what is destroying the love you once had. Once you truly understand what is going on, you will find the motivation to turn the ship around, and head back into your dreams you once shared. Don't wait until your TRUST ACCOUNT runs dry. Get the help you need. In so many couples that I work with, trust always emerges. How can you trust someone, if you are fighting, disrespecting each other, being critical, or causing emotional or physical harm? When trust is breached, there will not be love, honesty, transparency, closeness, tenderness, etc. The passion in the relationship will be gone, and many couples wonder if it is even possible to recover.It is possible! BUT a lot of changes are going to be needed. While you are in your situation, you may not be able to actually see what your partner needs. Counselling can help you see the underlying needs that are being neglected everyday, and this is what is destroying the love you once had. Once you truly understand what is going on, you will find the motivation to turn the ship around, and head back into your dreams you once shared. Don't wait until your TRUST ACCOUNT runs dry. Get the help you need. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8494&comments=40260 40260 Fri, 1 Mar 2013 23:45:00 +0000 After the busyness of the holidays, you may find yourself falling into the couch and looking across the room at your spouse and wonder 'who are you?'. Entering into January can present an opportunity to put your relationship as a priority. It often begins with taking a couple of simple steps. Make time for one another (date night, do an activity together). Or you can just try to improve your communication (by going deeper than kids and scheduling obligations). Make 2013 the year you will look back on and say 'that was the year our marriage got much better'. After the busyness of the holidays, you may find yourself falling into the couch and looking across the room at your spouse and wonder 'who are you?'. Entering into January can present an opportunity to put your relationship as a priority. It often begins with taking a couple of simple steps. Make time for one another (date night, do an activity together). Or you can just try to improve your communication (by going deeper than kids and scheduling obligations). Make 2013 the year you will look back on and say 'that was the year our marriage got much better'. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8494&comments=39018 39018 Wed, 26 Dec 2012 21:49:00 +0000 They keys to change can be so simple at times. These keys are not the actions, but the mindsets that couples need to have to be successful in communicating through their problems. I had someone telling me lately that one word was changing their conversations; the word 'we'. When using this word instead of the words I, me, myself, etc. it is possible to suggest to someone that you are thinking about more than yourself. You begin to include your spouse in your ideas, drawing in their perspective in a way that is not isolating or blaming. 1 word can make a big difference.Everyone has the keys to change, but you may feel like you don't know which one fits your door! Counselling can help you identify the key to help you not just unlock the mindsets that need to change, but it can open the door to a new foundation of your relationship. They keys to change can be so simple at times. These keys are not the actions, but the mindsets that couples need to have to be successful in communicating through their problems. I had someone telling me lately that one word was changing their conversations; the word 'we'. When using this word instead of the words I, me, myself, etc. it is possible to suggest to someone that you are thinking about more than yourself. You begin to include your spouse in your ideas, drawing in their perspective in a way that is not isolating or blaming. 1 word can make a big difference.Everyone has the keys to change, but you may feel like you don't know which one fits your door! Counselling can help you identify the key to help you not just unlock the mindsets that need to change, but it can open the door to a new foundation of your relationship. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8494&comments=37075 37075 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 23:49:00 +0000 When your marriage experiences difficulties, it is most often not one big problem. It is usually a series of events that has occurred over a long period of time. Some of the hurts can be longstanding patterns of your relationship that have begun to seem 'normal'. This can give a couple the feeling that things can never change. You may be asking 'Do I even want to fight for this anymore?'Change can happen much faster than you think. It is never easy, because both partners need to be willing to understand how they are living in unhelpful patterns. The payoff for challenging these unhelpful patterns can be incredible, because you can rediscover why you love the person sleeping with you. You will learn to appreciate all that they do bring to the relationship. The reason for a growing love may be very different than it was the first time you fell in love, but it will be genuine love.The first task, is to change one day at a time. To live mindful of your 'old ways', and to not fall to familiar traps. You can learn new skills in how to relate, and to grow in your love and intimacy with each other. It is never too late, and it is worth the effort! Let today be the start of a new day. When your marriage experiences difficulties, it is most often not one big problem. It is usually a series of events that has occurred over a long period of time. Some of the hurts can be longstanding patterns of your relationship that have begun to seem 'normal'. This can give a couple the feeling that things can never change. You may be asking 'Do I even want to fight for this anymore?'Change can happen much faster than you think. It is never easy, because both partners need to be willing to understand how they are living in unhelpful patterns. The payoff for challenging these unhelpful patterns can be incredible, because you can rediscover why you love the person sleeping with you. You will learn to appreciate all that they do bring to the relationship. The reason for a growing love may be very different than it was the first time you fell in love, but it will be genuine love.The first task, is to change one day at a time. To live mindful of your 'old ways', and to not fall to familiar traps. You can learn new skills in how to relate, and to grow in your love and intimacy with each other. It is never too late, and it is worth the effort! Let today be the start of a new day. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8494&comments=34765 34765 Sun, 3 Jun 2012 22:07:00 +0000 You may be asking 'What is missing in my marriage?'. The main reason that you got married in the first place was to show your commitment to one another. Too often, couples find themselves in a place where they are holding to their commitment, because it is 'the right thing to do'. What has been lost is--love. Our culture drives us to think about what is best for 'me'. If I am not getting what I want, then I will either fight for what is deserve, or withdrawl until I get the attention I seek. These strategies do not create an atmosphere of love. Instead, we are pushed into demands or obligations, and this is likely to grow frustration and/or resentment. Love needs to be something we GIVE, not take. Demanding love doesn't work, because it is hurtful and self-focussed. Changing our focus from ourselves to our spouse is very counter-cultural, but it does grow that atmosphere of love that you truly seek. If you need help getting back to the love you once had, please call 905.599.0459 or email via the contact page. You may be asking 'What is missing in my marriage?'. The main reason that you got married in the first place was to show your commitment to one another. Too often, couples find themselves in a place where they are holding to their commitment, because it is 'the right thing to do'. What has been lost is--love. Our culture drives us to think about what is best for 'me'. If I am not getting what I want, then I will either fight for what is deserve, or withdrawl until I get the attention I seek. These strategies do not create an atmosphere of love. Instead, we are pushed into demands or obligations, and this is likely to grow frustration and/or resentment. Love needs to be something we GIVE, not take. Demanding love doesn't work, because it is hurtful and self-focussed. Changing our focus from ourselves to our spouse is very counter-cultural, but it does grow that atmosphere of love that you truly seek. If you need help getting back to the love you once had, please call 905.599.0459 or email via the contact page. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8494&comments=32701 32701 Sat, 17 Mar 2012 15:38:00 +0000 Marriage is an arrangement of two people who decide to commit to a relationship, often vowing 'til death do us part'. The literal interpretation of this, is physical death. However the marriage statistics clearly show that half of marriages do not hold out for physical death. The reason many marriages do not survive has to do with a death of the heart. Somewhere along the way, a relationship has died. There is no vitality left, because one of the two vital organs has given up. It is much like being on life support, where either the body or the brain is being kept alive while the other has stopped. When this happens physically, death is imminent. In a marriage, if one of the partners has death of the heart, the brain is likely to follow eventually. However, miracles do happen, and when they do, doctors attribute it to a 'strong will to live'. The will to live is very important in marriage counselling. Even if you think there is death of the heart, all it takes is a glimmer of will to survive. Even if you think your relationship will take a miracle, counselling can help you discover that hope. Marriage is an arrangement of two people who decide to commit to a relationship, often vowing 'til death do us part'. The literal interpretation of this, is physical death. However the marriage statistics clearly show that half of marriages do not hold out for physical death. The reason many marriages do not survive has to do with a death of the heart. Somewhere along the way, a relationship has died. There is no vitality left, because one of the two vital organs has given up. It is much like being on life support, where either the body or the brain is being kept alive while the other has stopped. When this happens physically, death is imminent. In a marriage, if one of the partners has death of the heart, the brain is likely to follow eventually. However, miracles do happen, and when they do, doctors attribute it to a 'strong will to live'. The will to live is very important in marriage counselling. Even if you think there is death of the heart, all it takes is a glimmer of will to survive. Even if you think your relationship will take a miracle, counselling can help you discover that hope. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8494&comments=32667 32667 Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:28:00 +0000 Where's the commitment? Our society lacks an attitude of commitment. When we don't get our way, we take ona victim mentality. There are many victims, but often we fall into this mindset prematurely. I am honored to meet with couples everyday that show me what real commitment looks like. These couples fight for their marriages by no longer fighting. They turn to humility, responsibility, and commitment to motivate themselves. The Sternberg Love Triangle is one way of looking at the importance of Commitment. Without it, love is incomplete. Common law relationships often struggle in the longterm because of the missing commitment to marriage. Commitment drives our attitude, and can strongly influence our decisions. Without commitment, it is easy to fall into dysfunctional patterns, and the victim state of mind. Giving up makes sense. With commitment, we rethink our patterns, and decide there must be a better way. We are driven towards the fight for change. Where many couples get stuck is when they can't see how to use their commitment to enact change. This is how counselling helps. A counsellor can help you set new goals, and can recommend strategies that can get you there. You will need to face both yours and your spouses attitude towards commitment. When a true heart of Commitment is present-change can happen! Where's the commitment? Our society lacks an attitude of commitment. When we don't get our way, we take ona victim mentality. There are many victims, but often we fall into this mindset prematurely. I am honored to meet with couples everyday that show me what real commitment looks like. These couples fight for their marriages by no longer fighting. They turn to humility, responsibility, and commitment to motivate themselves. The Sternberg Love Triangle is one way of looking at the importance of Commitment. Without it, love is incomplete. Common law relationships often struggle in the longterm because of the missing commitment to marriage. Commitment drives our attitude, and can strongly influence our decisions. Without commitment, it is easy to fall into dysfunctional patterns, and the victim state of mind. Giving up makes sense. With commitment, we rethink our patterns, and decide there must be a better way. We are driven towards the fight for change. Where many couples get stuck is when they can't see how to use their commitment to enact change. This is how counselling helps. A counsellor can help you set new goals, and can recommend strategies that can get you there. You will need to face both yours and your spouses attitude towards commitment. When a true heart of Commitment is present-change can happen! http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8494&comments=30245 30245 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 14:41:00 +0000 Whenever a couple is looking to revitalize their marriage, it is always good to remember what drew you to each other in the first place! In this part of your story, I often hear about a growing love that is built upon communication, respect, nurturance, intimacy and passion. What happens within too many marriages, is that these parts of who you are get simply neglected. Life gets busy with careers and kids, resulting in neglect within your relationship. The first step to revitalizing your marriage is to get back to the basics. I am happy to meet with any couple to help you with this, as it is often difficult to get past the hurt caused by the neglect. It is not too late! Call today to get back on track. Whenever a couple is looking to revitalize their marriage, it is always good to remember what drew you to each other in the first place! In this part of your story, I often hear about a growing love that is built upon communication, respect, nurturance, intimacy and passion. What happens within too many marriages, is that these parts of who you are get simply neglected. Life gets busy with careers and kids, resulting in neglect within your relationship. The first step to revitalizing your marriage is to get back to the basics. I am happy to meet with any couple to help you with this, as it is often difficult to get past the hurt caused by the neglect. It is not too late! Call today to get back on track. http://www.live2bfree.ca/index.cfm?i=15032&mid=25&blogid=8494&comments=30244 30244 Wed, 21 Dec 2011 14:41:00 +0000